Finally, what you’re all coming to this blog to find out: How to marry an Italian.
I did it. Here’s how you can, too!
First, woo him with your exotic American ways
When I first arrived in Italy I was wide-eyed, easily excited, and plastered with a big smile. I was bold, dazzled by the smallest things and ready to try anything new that came my way – much like I still am today.
Marco’s first English word to me was “both.” His second? “Twenty-two.” I on the other hand woo’d him with my wide-open-mouth accent, my long life stories in broken Italian and simplified life philosophies that ranged from old foreign language songs to Nike commercials. “Che sarà, sarà” , “Just do it!” And I’m not the only American traveling through Italy with that big ol’ smile and loud voice excitement. I did it, and you can too. So go on with your straight hair, cowgirl too-short-shorts-self and catch yourself an Italian man!
Be sure to not be Italian
That wide-eyed excitement I was telling you about? I wasn’t kidding when I said it was what woos ’em. Italian women have a reputation as being a bit, ahem, difficult. This isn’t just about sex, they happen to be a bit difficult in life as well. Thus it helps that you’re not an Italian woman. Even your most irritating habits for American men (demanding he get something for you while you’re sitting, distracting him from the game, other stupid stuff) will pale in comparison to most Italian women, so way to go you! Easy win.
It’s true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but sorry ladies, this isn’t an American man who will be happy with some overly-cheesy Crock Pot recipe you found on Pinterest. I might have woo’d Marco with my naive optimism and unfortunate accent, but I’m convinced I got him to stick around by showing him that I too, was interested in food. (See: I like to eat). Shared interests ladies, shared interests.
Compliment his country
Berating their own country is a national sport in Italy, yet under all those false lamentations is a man who is proud of his nation. Acknowledge its beauty – it shouldn’t be hard – and tell him why you find it so great. Better yet, compliment his region, province and specific town. More than nationalists, Italians rule in a strong campanilismo, or town pride. If you’re really in for the kill, you can insinuate that you’d even like to stay. Be careful though – some of us actually did.
Meet his mother
Dun, Dun, Duuuuuuuun. The dreaded meeting of the mother. Beware ladies, this isn’t like meeting a high school boyfriend’s mom who will be nice simply because she knows you won’t last. This is an Italian mamma, and she’s not screwing around. Very few things come between an Italian mamma and her Italian boy (because honestly, they’re always boys when around their mamma). Your best bet is to not expect to come between them. Smile, tell her you’d like to stay (if she thinks you’ll take her cub, she’ll go all mamma bear on you) and compliment her food. Whatever you do, be sure to eat everything she puts in front of you. It is a test.
Despite what it seems, when I first came to Italy I had no interest in Italian men. In some non-committal relationships myself, I came to Italy with no interest in men in general. Of course no one believed me, so when I ended up with an Italian man no one was surprised but me. Though both from western countries, Italians and Americans are different, and the cross-cultural dating can be tricky at times. For those of you looking to hop the pond, consider this ‘How to Marry an Italian’ Guide as gold. It worked for me!